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have I already failed my one attempt at living?
Thinking back to my youth, I been instilled with so much great promise. Which, by all means, were arguably essential. Fed by those around me, friends, family, and other loved ones.
I so believed in them, and in return, did so in myself. It was like I’d been entrusted with something bigger than me. Bigger than life. It was an immeasurable confidence and nobody could tell me otherwise.
I think I simply got stuck in my own childish idealism throughout the years. I always give thanks to the fortitude of a young mind, but I see where it’s led me.
Time is going. And although we’re told to refrain from comparison, I struggle to follow the sentiment.Lucky for me, I’ve been able to keep feelings of envy to an absolute minimum. I’d even say it’s mostly nonexistent.
Although, I will admit that it is difficult for me to look away. Some friends have started a new life elsewhere, far from this small city. Some have stayed and remained the same. I’m struggling to find where I might fit in between these worlds.
I don’t want to fail myself. I don’t want especially let down those who I shared these promises with. I don’t want my words to be empty and not have meant anything in the grand scheme.
In all reality, I’m probably doing better than most, but not up to my own standards. Maybe I just got sidetracked along the way. I had such a vigorous attitude and drive that was like no other.
My optimism says that this is a part of the journey. I don’t know. Maybe some of that idealism actually hasn’t left me.
Who’s to say?
