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I wasn’t a shy kid, you were just unsafe to be around
Dear mom,
I wasn’t a shy kid. And neither was I reserved or quiet. “He just keeps to himself” is what you often said — a lie you told many. In reality, I was outgoing and jumped at every opportunity to express myself. Just not around you.
Today, I’m rewriting history with loved ones who tell me, “You were so quiet” or “You’ve finally broken out of your shell.”
What do you mean by “Finally?”
I’ve always been this way. There was never a “shell” to begin with. I only spoke less for my own safety. Either that or risk being subjected to ridicule, but of course, she didn’t let anyone see that side of her.
Your harsh words and slights kept me silenced; instilled fear into me and then labeled it as having respect for you. You were overtly proud of your methods of “discipline.” You simply went too far, taking my achievements and giving yourself the credit for raising me.
I almost assumed the role you gave me. I had to learn to be honest with myself and share that honesty with others. So, while you’re saving face, I’m fixing the errors you refuse to pay any mind to.
You act like nothing happened. Going on as if I’m supposed to forgive and forget. You create an unsafe environment, yet question why we’re distant. I’ve given up and no longer expect you to take accountability. It won’t happen in this lifetime or the next.
I’m most certain of it.
